Before you start reading I wanted to let you know that I got to chat with the brilliant Jess Grose from The Times on Under the Influence this week about all things Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. It’s delish.
It’s a new school year with three kids in “school” for at least part of the day and that means I’ve got a new morning routine. It’s only slightly different from my old morning routine but if you’re the kind of person who likes to see how these things evolve feel free to check that one out.
I get asked all the time at book events how I juggle kids and writing books and making podcasts. Some women authors hate being asked this, but I totally get it. Being a woman and a mom is different than being a man and a dad. I wish it weren’t, but until there is a seismic shift in the universe we all deserve to hear how other women get shit done.
The first and most important thing about my fall morning routine is that I recently got a haircut that doesn’t need me to do a damn thing.
I had it chopped and gave it some golden highlights so that when I wake up I can shake my head like a wet dog and it just looks purposely mussed and chic.
I began telling myself that it was very French of me though I had absolutely nothing to back that up. But when I got to Paris I realized it was sort of French of me and I felt very validated. A good hair cut that you can shake and go is worth EVERYTHING. I see so many Instagram videos of moms waking up at 5 am and using that Dyson whatever it’s called as they listen to a self-improvement podcast and I’m just so happy that I’m not them.
We currently have three kids in three different schools which I blame at least partially on the United States government for not having a universal and subsidized option for paid childcare.
And naturally all three of the drop off times are slightly different, but not different enough that at least one parent doesn’t need to do a sprint between buildings while clutching one child beneath an arm like a football.
I usually let Nick Aster do the sprinting.
But before we get to that let’s talk about waking up.
I’m not a morning person. Perimenopause has me bolting awake for no discernible reason at 3 am every night. I’m not night sweaty yet, I’m just awake and annoyed about it. So I’m exhausted by the 7 am kid wake up time. Luckily Nick gets up first while I close my eyes for another blessed ten minutes and then roll out of bed to shake my new chic short hair that makes me look very French.
I can’t sleep long because there is a cacophony of shouts.
I WANT MOMMY.
NO PANTS.
MY CLOTHES ARE NOT ON BACKWARDS. THIS IS FORWARDS.
I stumble downstairs to assist whichever child doesn’t want to put on clothes. There is always at least one of them and the other child delights in the fact that they have won the “I didn’t scream at you for asking me to wear pants” war for just one day.
I have attempted to make dressing themselves easier by having very, very detailed labels on every single drawer detailing where things are. Nick Aster tells me I have over-labeled, but I don’t think that is possible.
I attempt to brush out my daughter’s hair while she screams at me like I am trying to murder her and then I try to convince her to get a chic almost definitely French haircut like my own that doesn’t need brushing, that you can just shake out like a wet dog and she says “ewwwwwwww,” and goes to school with tangled hair.
Sometimes I light candles for breakfast just because it makes the yelling more festive.
One of us does the 8:00 drop off and the 8:30 drop off while the other does the 8:15. This is my penance for having a third baby and I accept that.
The bonus baby likes dressing herself in fancy shoes and then trying to walk to school in them. Like most women who try to walk to work in fancy shoes she takes them off well before we get there.
The third baby is NOT liking school yet so if I am doing drop off she begins to wail like someone is killing her and I immediately hate myself for having a job where I can’t just cuddle and tickle her all day even though I know that might get real old real fast.
By this point I have eaten nothing, but a piece of a stray waffle and a strawberry that was thrown on the floor. I am wearing pajama bottoms and a sweatshirt and no makeup. My hair however, looks fantastic.
I usually get to my home desk or workspace at 9ish, at which point I swallow the frog and start working my word count for one of my books. I was in a mad rush to finish something this summer and my word count was 2,500 a day. That was insane and I do not recommend. Right now I’m going at a leisurely 1k a day through December and it feels like I’m on a tropical vacation.
After (and only after) I finish my words do I go through my emails, Slack messages, texts and Signal messages to respond to the various people I work with on the nineteen other projects I am working on because we all have nineteen jobs now. That’s an exaggeration, but only a slight one.
It’s also insane that we have so many ways to communicate and I just want people to call me on the phone and leave me a voicemail if they need something.
This is the point in the morning where I wonder if I could successfully just start making and selling cheese for a living but then I remember the cheese makers probably have their own annoying cheese talk app and about nineteen different cheese related jobs.
By this point I need a break and I work out. This is something new. I try as often as possible to reserve 12-1 for working out and usually Nick Aster and I do it together. We also walk to the gym together and it’s a nice time to chat and hold hands and remember we like each other.
Then I shower at the fancy gym because they have expensive soap and shampoo and it feels important to take advantage of that when you’re paying for a gym. Our caregiver (who now starts at noon) picks up the baby from half day care.
I record and edit podcasts in the early afternoon before my house becomes a fun house of every kid in the neighborhood because we have the good snacks and all the fort building things.
Very important things to note:
I rarely put on makeup most days except for a swipe of red lip gloss and some tinted moisturizer.
I usually forget to make my bed even though I can actually see my bed from where I work.
The best laid plans often go straight to shit any time the smallest of wrenches is thrown into the system and I drop many balls.
My hair truly looks excellent.
I love all of this so much, especially the transparency of the nanny. Childcare is wild out here, and it's wild even WITH paid daycare/childcare/nanny services, which is what I think people don't get.
Jobs have to be flexible because there are so many moving parts, even with help, and so many people don't have the option to be flexible. It's why I stay mad about childcare in the US.
I do love the hair. I do a short shag myself with the same mentality. If I muss it, it looks better!
Gah, I do so love your posts for much needed normalization that is life with 3 little kids. 😂
And yes…I do so wish the reality of a working mom vs working dad was different. Alas. It’s where we’re at.
For me, I’ve gone the homeschool route, so I do get the tickles and cuddles and random love notes during the day. But the cost is I’m jealous of your gym dates. 😂 There is no perfect.