Can dads be the primary parent?

Let's go to Sweden to find out.

I started my morning today by asking my four-year-old if she would like to pluck my eyebrow. Her answer, obviously, was a resounding yes.

She had a splinter in her foot and wouldn’t let me anywhere near it with the tweezers, so I thought I’d introduce her to eyebrow grooming in the meantime in the hopes that she would be lulled into submission by messing with my face. It ultimately worked. We got the splinter out and my eyebrows are mostly intact.

And with that moment of momming, I left my house and drove to Bethany Beach with Glynnis.

I’ve been doing that a lot recently, just leaving. I am still doing in-person book events about once a week (sometimes twice) for Sicilian Inheritance. In the beginning, I would desperately rush back to be with the kids as soon as possible. But in the past month I’ve been trying to give myself more grace. I’m on a book deadline, I’m still promoting a book, I’m making podcasts. I DESERVE A NIGHT IN A HOTEL. And don’t even get me started on my love of road trips with Glynnis. I am a very happy camper in this car right now (yes, I am writing this from the car with Glynnis).

In this season of our marriage my husband is the primary parent. We’ve made that decision together because I can’t do it all right now and it would be soul crushing for me to try. He currently has some flexibility and so he is managing our household. It hasn’t been an easy transition, but we are doing it.

America is not a country that sets men up to be the primary parent, or even to be an equal partner most of the time. It all starts with the lack of parental leave and I don’t think this can be emphasized enough.

Dads can be excellent primary parents. But we need to set them up to succeed from the start. And this success is absolutely possible.

I did a ton of reporting on this for How to be Married and I want to share with you an adapted portion of that reporting on the Swedish stay-at-home dads I interviewed while I was there.