How the Hell Didn't I Know About Andrew Tate?

Plus other toxic things boys will find on social media and what we can do about it...

Quick warning: Today’s substack and the subject of this week’s Under the Influence is about a very bad man. I don’t even want to talk about this very bad man because if we give him more attention then it just makes his reach even more aggressive.

I wish I didn’t know about Andrew Tate.

But…alas…I feel like Andrew Tate is someone all moms of boys should be aware of. And apparently I am very late to the party. Since this week’s episode of Under the Influence with Peggy Orenstein aired many of you have written to me to say, HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW ABOUT ANDREW TATE? Well my answer is that the Internet is vast and it is hard to know about all the things. I still don’t know how to poach an egg. We learn new things every day.

Many of the messages you sent me told me about your sons who had stumbled onto Andrew’s wild rants online. Some of you heard them repeating the disgusting things he said about women like women are intrinsically lazy, there is no such thing as an independent female and women bear responsibility when they are sexually assaulted. One of you told me that two boys in your child’s school had been suspended for parroting things that Tate said about women during a debate. These boys were 12.

Guardian editor Isabel Choat recently wrote the following after her son was served Andrew Tate’s podcast on Spotify.

‘Eat your broccoli and don’t listen to Andrew Tate’: fighting misogyny is now part of everyday parenting

The other day, my 13-year-old mentioned that Andrew Tate’s podcast had popped up on his Spotify feed. I was glad he told me – and relieved that he didn’t want to listen to it – but, in the rush to get out of the house for school/work, I didn’t dwell on that brief chat. Thinking about it later that day made me want to cry – and scream at a world where pushing back against the likes of Tate and his ilk is now part of everyday parenting: eat your broccoli, go to bed on time, and don’t get sucked into the worldview of an extremist TikTok star.

So who is Tate?

He is a former kickboxer, British reality star, self-proclaimed misogynist and one of the biggest male influencers on the Internet. The Guardian has also done an excellent job of breaking him down.

Andrew Tate says women belong in the home, can’t drive, and are a man’s property.

He also thinks rape victims must “bear responsibility” for their attacks and dates women aged 18–19 because he can “make an imprint” on them, according to videos posted online.

In other clips, the British-American kickboxer – who poses with fast cars, guns and portrays himself as a cigar-smoking playboy – talks about hitting and choking women, trashing their belongings and stopping them from going out.

“It’s bang out the machete, boom in her face and grip her by the neck. Shut up bitch,” he says in one video, acting out how he’d attack a woman if she accused him of cheating. In another, he describes throwing a woman’s things out of the window. In a third, he calls an ex-girlfriend who accused him of hitting her – an allegation he denies – a “dumb hoe”.

And his content is CONSTANTLY being served to young boys. Below is an edited interview I did with journalist and cultural critic Peggy Orenstein, the author of many, many books including Cinderella Ate My Daughter, Girls & Sex and Boys & Sex, about this toxic and terrible media being served to boys and what we can do about it. I have also included more info on Tate and what parents should know about him. This research and the interview took a fair amount of time so I have made it available to paid subscribers only. If you are unable to pay at this time please let me know and we will find a way to get you access. I am also gifting paid subscriptions to anyone who preorders The Sicilian Inheritance this month. Just shoot me an email with your receipt OR share it on social media and tag me. That’s an entire year (and maybe even in perpetuity because I’m lazy) of this newsletter and all bonus content PLUS access to upcoming events and you get the best book I have ever written. It’s a win-win :)

Now back to Andrew Tate.