Let's Blow Up the Damn System

It's up to us to redefine motherhood, caregiving, ambition and feminism

I'm going to make some bold statements today, but I think that's okay because now is really a time for some fucking boldness. We're at a cultural inflection point for women and motherhood, and I believe we're on the cusp of a new breed of mommy wars that will pit women who work inside the home against those in the corporate world. I hate this for us. I freaking hate it.

We have a lot of fucking work to do. Sorry. I really don't want to put more on your plate. But it's the truth. The good news is that we can fix it. Amidst all of the chaos in our country right now we actually have an opportunity to completely blow up the way we view motherhood, caregiving, women's labor and ambition. We can remake it in a way that works for us instead of a system that only works for men who have full time support from their wives.

My friend Neha Ruch, the creator of Mother Untitled, is at the forefront of this revolution and her book The Power Pause (which drops TODAY) is the bible for it.

We will be giving away three copies to paid subscribers in the comments below. Just comment PAUSE and tell me how you want to join this revolution or what you want to fix. (Sorry US only…love you Canada but shipping is a bitch).

I also chatted with Neha on Under the Influence this week.

After a decade in brand strategy and an MBA from Stanford, Neha made the decision to pause her career after the birth of her second child. That's when she encountered all the completely crappy, outdated stereotypes associated with being a stay-at-home mom. The reality? One in three working mothers are considering a career pause in the next two years, while one in two are contemplating a downshift. Even more telling? Ninety percent of those who take career breaks plan to return to the workforce.

Let's talk about what needs fixing.

For starters, let's completely get rid of the word "stay-at-home mom." It's so fucking dumb and doesn't at all explain the experience of the caregiver who is the CEO and COO of the family unit. No one is staying anywhere - you're moving constantly. I actually have a scene in Everyone is Lying To You (have you ordered the most bananas tradwife murder mystery of all time yet? What are you waiting for?)

Then there's the financial piece. When one person steps away from paying work, they often feel like they have less power in a relationship because money equals power. But we've never had good language for how to talk about compensating the work done in the home. What does fair look like? What will set someone up for success in the long term? The reality is that sixty percent of women who pause their careers do so because of financial considerations. With childcare costs being absolutely bananas, especially when you have more than one kid, many families don't have a choice about whether one parent stays home.

But perhaps the most dangerous myth we have to tackle is this: