Sex & Money on Mormon #MomTok

The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives

I finally started digging into The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives last night and WOW DO I HAVE THOUGHTS. I’ll be putting some of them here in an audio post below the paywall before I make a full episode of Under the Influence about it next week. Maybe nine whole episodes to be honest. There is a lot to unpack here.

The show is a train wreck you won’t be able to look away from, but I genuinely believe that there is more to it.

At it’s heart I think this is a show about money and gender. It’s about what happens when women want to make money and want power in their relationships. Of course, because this is reality television, this is cloaked in a lot of Lululemon and hair extensions. Also boob jobs and Botox (both which I am in favor of if that is your jam).

The show follows eight TikTok influencers in Utah who are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Following their rise to fame on #MomTok over the past few years, they made headlines for some fairly large scandals, among them a soft swinging spouse swap which rocked the Internet.

My friend Bobbi Rebell has already done a financial analysis of the show and she has some great thoughts.

Fact #1: These women are in many cases the breadwinner. Their collab hashtag #momtok and the way it has grown their own followings has given them the means to contribute financially to their families. They talk about how liberating it is and how empowered they feel despite their restrictions as mormon women. They also talk about the stress of the responsibility to maintain their social media status as a means to generate income for their families. Sadly, they also reveal that some of their husbands are not supportive of their social media and business ventures.

Fact #2: The income can be substantial. Several of them have talked about brand deals that were as high as $75,000. They promote everything from products for kids and babies, to cleaning products as well as skincare and makeup lines. One mom, Mayci Neeley, has even used it as a launching pad for her own company of natal nutrition products, BabyMama.

She’ll be on the podcast next week.

I’m also talking to the wonderful Jess Grose from NYT about it later today. To prep for all the conversations we are gonna have about this take a look at her wonderful piece here.

As Jess writes:

Taylor Frankie Paul, now 30, who is one of the show’s main dissenters from Mormon tenets, says in the first episode that she was pressured to marry right out of high school by her mother and the church because she was sexually active. “We were raised to be these housewives for the men, serving their every desire,” but forget that, she says. She and the other women used social media as an outlet, both to connect with the wider world, but also, to earn money while staying at home and caring for their kids.

The show divides the women into “saints” who are more observant and “sinners,” like Paul, who flout many of the church’s rules. Jen Affleck is one of the “saints.” Affleck is currently the breadwinner while her husband, Zac, goes to medical school. Her marriage is traditional enough that her job as an influencer creates conflict with her husband. “The male typically being the sole provider within our religion makes our situation a little bit tricky, and so there’s definitely a lot of tension in our relationship,” she explains.

I have a few initial thoughts on the show and much, much more to come, but I have to say that this feels like one of the first halfway decent sneak peaks into the world of mom influencers that I have seen on the screen, even though it is produced like a salacious reality show.

I have about ten messages into the Mormon church right now asking for reactions and requests into all of the women from the show to come on Under the Influence. We are on this.

I am also opening up a thread for us to chat:

So nine things you should know to get started: