I joined a moms' group very early on, and that time together was so helpful for support and normalizing all the hard things about parenting. Once my kids were preschool age, I became a fan of sending out the low-key invitation ("I'm bringing bagels to the park Saturday morning 9-11") where no one had to host, but we all had a place to come and chat while the kids played (mostly) independently.
Oh I wish I'd had more opportunities to meet other moms before my kids started school. The woes of a "just before the pandemic" baby. My best advice is to not be afraid to introduce yourself and park playdates make great "first mom dates" to get to know each other with low pressure while the kids play. That mom you see at story time, the one at drop off every morning, the one you seem to bump into at random local events or school functions is often looking for mom friends too.
My second best advice is "trust your gut". The moms I've met at school drop off or pick up and had the "oh I could be friends with her" feeling about and actually decided to speak to and tried to plan something is a close friend now!
For me, finding the village took years. I'd say I only really started to find a village when my oldest started school and now with both kids in school we finally have some community. Its wonderful! So lastly, don't be afraid if it takes a bit to find your people.
I really want to read this book! Weirdly, my freshman college roommate became a stripper during the semester we roomed together. It was fine in that she was away most nights, giving me the freedom to get most of my work done. I always worried about waking her up, though, on my way out the door to my 8am class. Anyway. My best advice on finding and joining a mom community or village is to try the internet. I know that it didn't work out well for Amy and her app, but I found a wonderful village via the internet. A woman started a website for "abundant mamas" and then opened a community aspect, which I joined. In those early years, it was my lifeline, especially after my husband left me to raise our 19-month-old son on my own. The woman eventually closed down the community, but there are quite a number of us still going strong in a Signal group. Oh, and yes, some of us have met in real life either on organized retreats or during planned meet ups. Now our kiddos are all teenagers, and we've been through so much together! I only wish we all lived closer to one another!
I joined a “mother’s” club/parents club and it really helped to provide peer support, though it wasn’t 100% what I was looking for. I recommend leaving the house as much as possible and striking up conversations like you describe Jo. I met moms at Trader Joe’s and the park and it got less awkward over time to ask for numbers and just see if you clicked. But the village part (aka, support beyond socializing or getting advice) is really hard with infant and young toddler age kids. It got easier when my kid joined a preschool and we met some great families, got close enough to them to trust them to have playdates without supervision (and only when our child was verbal to communicate with us about body safety and other stuff).
I enjoyed reading the personal Mom & village story and I'm glad to hear about this book! For me, the key to finding Moms (this was a very long time ago) was La Leche League. It was nice to be in a circle of moms breastfeeding when I was in the early clumsy months.
I made mom friends by going to library story times and awkwardly striking up conversations. I met my now best friend that way. We tell everyone that we met by a fish tank at the downtown library. Four years later we still lean on each other for parenting advice and friendship.
Ohh I can't wait to read this book! As a new mom in Beacon, New York, I asked my doula if she could connect me with other moms in the area and she did! We created a WhatsApp group and now we get together for monthly mom hangs. It's kept me sane!
Hahaha I'm so glad I creepily slipped you that note. Our group was life-changing indeed! Miss you! Might have to go to Waizema this week and reminisce.
To find a villager, you need to be a villager! A villager helps others, has people over, puts people at ease, shares about themselves, and is of service. When we first moved to our new town with a newborn, we had people over often and hosted backyard barbecues, new years day hangs, epic playdates, always the more the merrier. Being generous with your time and spirit is the only way to have the same returned to you.
I have some parallels with Jo's journey (had my first kid in a HCOL often transient city, moved back to my home city where I had many college friends put roots down). After my first, I was too anxious for the local breastfeeding group, but in hindsight, I wish I had leaned more on the friends who were already there and offering help. I had a few friends who worked PT jobs or were SAHPs at that stage in their journey, and they were willing to offer help I was just not sure what I needed and drowning in anxiety. Maybe even been like "Hey can you come by on Mondays at X time to hold the baby while I shower/nap/prep dinner" or whatever, I know they would have been happy to. Sometimes building a village isn't starting from scratch but its seeing what you have and digging deeper.
Once my oldest was in Kinder, I definitely found it easier to make friends in my neighborhood/area and have found that most other adult women are seeking and open to connection.
My advice is to see if you can find a community of moms online who have similar interests, but specifically, if you have special circumstances with your pregnancy or if your kids have disabilities, find those moms -- or create the group so others can find you. I have twins, and the local moms of multiples club led me to my 3 closest friends today (and my twins are almost 12).
I joined a moms' group very early on, and that time together was so helpful for support and normalizing all the hard things about parenting. Once my kids were preschool age, I became a fan of sending out the low-key invitation ("I'm bringing bagels to the park Saturday morning 9-11") where no one had to host, but we all had a place to come and chat while the kids played (mostly) independently.
Oh I wish I'd had more opportunities to meet other moms before my kids started school. The woes of a "just before the pandemic" baby. My best advice is to not be afraid to introduce yourself and park playdates make great "first mom dates" to get to know each other with low pressure while the kids play. That mom you see at story time, the one at drop off every morning, the one you seem to bump into at random local events or school functions is often looking for mom friends too.
My second best advice is "trust your gut". The moms I've met at school drop off or pick up and had the "oh I could be friends with her" feeling about and actually decided to speak to and tried to plan something is a close friend now!
For me, finding the village took years. I'd say I only really started to find a village when my oldest started school and now with both kids in school we finally have some community. Its wonderful! So lastly, don't be afraid if it takes a bit to find your people.
I really want to read this book! Weirdly, my freshman college roommate became a stripper during the semester we roomed together. It was fine in that she was away most nights, giving me the freedom to get most of my work done. I always worried about waking her up, though, on my way out the door to my 8am class. Anyway. My best advice on finding and joining a mom community or village is to try the internet. I know that it didn't work out well for Amy and her app, but I found a wonderful village via the internet. A woman started a website for "abundant mamas" and then opened a community aspect, which I joined. In those early years, it was my lifeline, especially after my husband left me to raise our 19-month-old son on my own. The woman eventually closed down the community, but there are quite a number of us still going strong in a Signal group. Oh, and yes, some of us have met in real life either on organized retreats or during planned meet ups. Now our kiddos are all teenagers, and we've been through so much together! I only wish we all lived closer to one another!
I joined a “mother’s” club/parents club and it really helped to provide peer support, though it wasn’t 100% what I was looking for. I recommend leaving the house as much as possible and striking up conversations like you describe Jo. I met moms at Trader Joe’s and the park and it got less awkward over time to ask for numbers and just see if you clicked. But the village part (aka, support beyond socializing or getting advice) is really hard with infant and young toddler age kids. It got easier when my kid joined a preschool and we met some great families, got close enough to them to trust them to have playdates without supervision (and only when our child was verbal to communicate with us about body safety and other stuff).
I enjoyed reading the personal Mom & village story and I'm glad to hear about this book! For me, the key to finding Moms (this was a very long time ago) was La Leche League. It was nice to be in a circle of moms breastfeeding when I was in the early clumsy months.
I made mom friends by going to library story times and awkwardly striking up conversations. I met my now best friend that way. We tell everyone that we met by a fish tank at the downtown library. Four years later we still lean on each other for parenting advice and friendship.
Ohh I can't wait to read this book! As a new mom in Beacon, New York, I asked my doula if she could connect me with other moms in the area and she did! We created a WhatsApp group and now we get together for monthly mom hangs. It's kept me sane!
Hahaha I'm so glad I creepily slipped you that note. Our group was life-changing indeed! Miss you! Might have to go to Waizema this week and reminisce.
To find a villager, you need to be a villager! A villager helps others, has people over, puts people at ease, shares about themselves, and is of service. When we first moved to our new town with a newborn, we had people over often and hosted backyard barbecues, new years day hangs, epic playdates, always the more the merrier. Being generous with your time and spirit is the only way to have the same returned to you.
I have some parallels with Jo's journey (had my first kid in a HCOL often transient city, moved back to my home city where I had many college friends put roots down). After my first, I was too anxious for the local breastfeeding group, but in hindsight, I wish I had leaned more on the friends who were already there and offering help. I had a few friends who worked PT jobs or were SAHPs at that stage in their journey, and they were willing to offer help I was just not sure what I needed and drowning in anxiety. Maybe even been like "Hey can you come by on Mondays at X time to hold the baby while I shower/nap/prep dinner" or whatever, I know they would have been happy to. Sometimes building a village isn't starting from scratch but its seeing what you have and digging deeper.
Once my oldest was in Kinder, I definitely found it easier to make friends in my neighborhood/area and have found that most other adult women are seeking and open to connection.
My advice is to see if you can find a community of moms online who have similar interests, but specifically, if you have special circumstances with your pregnancy or if your kids have disabilities, find those moms -- or create the group so others can find you. I have twins, and the local moms of multiples club led me to my 3 closest friends today (and my twins are almost 12).