Teenagers are fantastic, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. 15years ago I had a 2yo and twin newborns and you couldn’t pay me to go back there! I feel like we hit our sweet spot at ages 6&4, when everyone was potty-trained and in some form of school…then it just got better from there. Now we are partial empty nesters with quirky interesting roommates and it’s so fun to see glimpses of the people they will become.
15 - holy fucking shit has it been a doozy. My hub and I are dragging our cold lifeless bodies to the finish line hoping and praying to begging that 16 gets better (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA <— crazy eye…)
Fifteen 100%—but it does get better! I felt like I totally changed too while my oldest went through the year. Like my brain couldn't revert to its former parent-of-young-kids state of mind, even though I still had young kids. I think that's why oldest kids can feel like they have different parents than younger siblings in the same family.
Out of the littler ages, 4 without a doubt! My two children are 2 years apart, so we’ve had either a 2-year-old, a 3-year-old, or a 4-year-old in the mix for the last few years and my younger will turn 5 in 8 months, not that anyone is wishing anything away.
My son will be 6 in January and I totally agree that (so far) 4-5 was fucking tough!! The emotional roller coaster! The “NO” to everything! The absolute impossibility of ever getting out the door on time! It has improved tremendously for the most part. Whew.
Honestly, all ages have their challenges, but what has been the biggest shock to me is how hard ADULT children can be. You think you're going to reach a point when you can stop worrying about them, but that never happens for long. Something always comes up: They don't like their school, majors, careers, girlfriends/boyfriends. Their hearts gets broken. They come up with bonkers ideas! They want you to watch their kids more than you want to watch their kids. They can still be moody and hurt your feelings. Making it all worse, you have absolutely no control. They're adults, and mostly they want you to recognize that, but sometimes they want you to weigh in and give advice. (knowing what they want when can be confusing.) I did my job, but I'll never be retired from it. Now it's more like I've been demoted! Learning to bite your tongue or gently bring things up at just the right moment has been a very useful skill set. I adore them and and am so grateful for so many reasons (especially for the grandkids), but sometimes it's still not easy and I no longer expect that to change!
Newborns. I had two who would only take me, could only sleep with me, wouldn’t do bottles or pacifiers and were total boob barnacles, despite all efforts.
It was grueling.
Even my first, as a newborn who took comfort from others, would nap with his dad and loved his pacifier and bottle, was so tough for me because my new mom anxiety was unreal.
Even now most of my mom guilt stems from choices I made in their babyhoods.
Of course, we’ll see how that answer might change — they’re 3, 6 and 8 now.
Ooof. 5-6 was hard for us. Our ND kiddo did not adjust well to school. I still have panic attacks when I see the school’s number pop up. Now, at 10? He’s still challenging but is also a fun, intelligent, really interesting cool little dude. So the hard parts are more bearable.
The stage right now with our oldest, three and a half. That being said, he's been dodgy and getting worse since two and a half so I'm worried that four will kill me. Especially since he's teaching his brother (currently 13 months) what a tantrum looks like.
I have a 7 year old, and these early elementary years have been absolutely dreamy! Not that every day is perfect, obviously, but it's SO MUCH EASIER now that she can do so many things for herself and can generally hang. I feel like this is the first stage that I'll miss when it's gone. Obviously there were wonderful things about when she was an infant and toddler, but I don't miss those days at all!
I don’t know. It all seems kind of hard and kind of easy. I do dislike specific things - potty training is a drag, so is tween eye rolling and the undeveloped frontal cortex and jumping abilities of a 7 year old boy, and so was the new born stage when I was so tired. My kids are 10/8/5/2 and you know, on any given day,
Someone is having a hard time. But…Jet lag gets SO MUCH BETTER when they turn 5. Glorious.
Clearly, based on comments here, everyone’s preferences are going to be different! My input is that the teenage years (my daughter is now 16) are the hardest for both my husband and I! Torturously and exhaustingly hard. Sometime I dread waking up and dealing with my teen hard. It is requiring skills that simply don’t come naturally to me and that I’m not picking up on easily.
My favorite stage was ages 6-8. My daughter was happy-go-lucky, silly , funny, endearing, and loving at those ages.
So far, 3 was the hardest age for my oldest and 5 where we are right now is the hardest for my youngest. For my oldest 2 months of being 3 was spent on lockdown with basically only 6 people total in my kid’s circle and his brother learning to walk and take his toys— it felt like they were literally in constant conflict and my nervous system was fried.
I started to see my parents and our siblings in about June and it got slightly better but I frequently tell the story of not knowing how miserable my 3 yo was until he went back to preschool in July 2020 and I saw him smiling so much again. He didn’t know how to talk about the way he was feeling to me at the time and a lot more has come out over the years- I remember thinking how much grief he was experiencing when he yelled at me on a day in April about how everyone was sick and how he couldn’t see anybody.
I generally find my almost 8 yo delightful now. My 5 yo is delightful when we are 1:1 but we have a hard time figuring out what is triggering him and we have a limited amount of coping techniques to calm his nervous system. He is a SCREECHER and it’s so loud and agitating when he’s panicking.
This morning my husband was signed up to run car line and read to the kids as part of this PTA offshoot group called Fathers Being Involved (FBI)- they wear suits and shades to look like FBI guys. But he was going to drive the kids to school early because they wanted him there at 7:15 am and my 5 yo flipped out about the change in routine, how he wanted me to drive. Both my kids are resistant to changes in routine but my 5 yo hasn’t developed the same mindset of being able to say this is going to be ok even if it’s different yet.
My husband said he went to our oldest kid’s class to read a book to the 2nd graders called The Girl Who Never Made Mistakes about growth mindset. I think it’s a good lesson for all of us. I know we can’t control our kids, but parenting gets very wearing and the transition to kindergarten has been pretty tough.
I have truly loved 1st and 2nd grade so far-my oldest still enjoys spending time with all his adults, his friends are so pleasant, the boys seem emotionally supportive of each other and his group all love reading. All his best friends were in my zoo group last week and it was fun to see their dynamic and I also really like their male teacher’s classroom management style. My kid has told at least 20 people I am taking him to see Hamilton for his 8th birthday and he’s also been telling everyone how excited he is for Kamala to be the first woman president so he’s making up for his brother’s screechiness lately. I know my 5 yo is having a hard time and he’s not trying to exhaust us, but it’s a challenging season.
Teenagers are fantastic, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. 15years ago I had a 2yo and twin newborns and you couldn’t pay me to go back there! I feel like we hit our sweet spot at ages 6&4, when everyone was potty-trained and in some form of school…then it just got better from there. Now we are partial empty nesters with quirky interesting roommates and it’s so fun to see glimpses of the people they will become.
15 - holy fucking shit has it been a doozy. My hub and I are dragging our cold lifeless bodies to the finish line hoping and praying to begging that 16 gets better (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA <— crazy eye…)
For our daughter, 16 is another doozy! Parents of teenagers are not okay. We need resources and support!!!
Fifteen 100%—but it does get better! I felt like I totally changed too while my oldest went through the year. Like my brain couldn't revert to its former parent-of-young-kids state of mind, even though I still had young kids. I think that's why oldest kids can feel like they have different parents than younger siblings in the same family.
It's always hardest when you're in it, regardless of the age of the child!
Out of the littler ages, 4 without a doubt! My two children are 2 years apart, so we’ve had either a 2-year-old, a 3-year-old, or a 4-year-old in the mix for the last few years and my younger will turn 5 in 8 months, not that anyone is wishing anything away.
My son will be 6 in January and I totally agree that (so far) 4-5 was fucking tough!! The emotional roller coaster! The “NO” to everything! The absolute impossibility of ever getting out the door on time! It has improved tremendously for the most part. Whew.
FOUR. With both kids, FOUR. FUCKING FOUR. The absolute worst. (Though I may take this back when mine become teens…)
Honestly, all ages have their challenges, but what has been the biggest shock to me is how hard ADULT children can be. You think you're going to reach a point when you can stop worrying about them, but that never happens for long. Something always comes up: They don't like their school, majors, careers, girlfriends/boyfriends. Their hearts gets broken. They come up with bonkers ideas! They want you to watch their kids more than you want to watch their kids. They can still be moody and hurt your feelings. Making it all worse, you have absolutely no control. They're adults, and mostly they want you to recognize that, but sometimes they want you to weigh in and give advice. (knowing what they want when can be confusing.) I did my job, but I'll never be retired from it. Now it's more like I've been demoted! Learning to bite your tongue or gently bring things up at just the right moment has been a very useful skill set. I adore them and and am so grateful for so many reasons (especially for the grandkids), but sometimes it's still not easy and I no longer expect that to change!
Newborns. I had two who would only take me, could only sleep with me, wouldn’t do bottles or pacifiers and were total boob barnacles, despite all efforts.
It was grueling.
Even my first, as a newborn who took comfort from others, would nap with his dad and loved his pacifier and bottle, was so tough for me because my new mom anxiety was unreal.
Even now most of my mom guilt stems from choices I made in their babyhoods.
Of course, we’ll see how that answer might change — they’re 3, 6 and 8 now.
Ooof. 5-6 was hard for us. Our ND kiddo did not adjust well to school. I still have panic attacks when I see the school’s number pop up. Now, at 10? He’s still challenging but is also a fun, intelligent, really interesting cool little dude. So the hard parts are more bearable.
The stage right now with our oldest, three and a half. That being said, he's been dodgy and getting worse since two and a half so I'm worried that four will kill me. Especially since he's teaching his brother (currently 13 months) what a tantrum looks like.
We're so tired.
I have a 7 year old, and these early elementary years have been absolutely dreamy! Not that every day is perfect, obviously, but it's SO MUCH EASIER now that she can do so many things for herself and can generally hang. I feel like this is the first stage that I'll miss when it's gone. Obviously there were wonderful things about when she was an infant and toddler, but I don't miss those days at all!
I don’t know. It all seems kind of hard and kind of easy. I do dislike specific things - potty training is a drag, so is tween eye rolling and the undeveloped frontal cortex and jumping abilities of a 7 year old boy, and so was the new born stage when I was so tired. My kids are 10/8/5/2 and you know, on any given day,
Someone is having a hard time. But…Jet lag gets SO MUCH BETTER when they turn 5. Glorious.
Clearly, based on comments here, everyone’s preferences are going to be different! My input is that the teenage years (my daughter is now 16) are the hardest for both my husband and I! Torturously and exhaustingly hard. Sometime I dread waking up and dealing with my teen hard. It is requiring skills that simply don’t come naturally to me and that I’m not picking up on easily.
My favorite stage was ages 6-8. My daughter was happy-go-lucky, silly , funny, endearing, and loving at those ages.
So far, 3 was the hardest age for my oldest and 5 where we are right now is the hardest for my youngest. For my oldest 2 months of being 3 was spent on lockdown with basically only 6 people total in my kid’s circle and his brother learning to walk and take his toys— it felt like they were literally in constant conflict and my nervous system was fried.
I started to see my parents and our siblings in about June and it got slightly better but I frequently tell the story of not knowing how miserable my 3 yo was until he went back to preschool in July 2020 and I saw him smiling so much again. He didn’t know how to talk about the way he was feeling to me at the time and a lot more has come out over the years- I remember thinking how much grief he was experiencing when he yelled at me on a day in April about how everyone was sick and how he couldn’t see anybody.
I generally find my almost 8 yo delightful now. My 5 yo is delightful when we are 1:1 but we have a hard time figuring out what is triggering him and we have a limited amount of coping techniques to calm his nervous system. He is a SCREECHER and it’s so loud and agitating when he’s panicking.
This morning my husband was signed up to run car line and read to the kids as part of this PTA offshoot group called Fathers Being Involved (FBI)- they wear suits and shades to look like FBI guys. But he was going to drive the kids to school early because they wanted him there at 7:15 am and my 5 yo flipped out about the change in routine, how he wanted me to drive. Both my kids are resistant to changes in routine but my 5 yo hasn’t developed the same mindset of being able to say this is going to be ok even if it’s different yet.
My husband said he went to our oldest kid’s class to read a book to the 2nd graders called The Girl Who Never Made Mistakes about growth mindset. I think it’s a good lesson for all of us. I know we can’t control our kids, but parenting gets very wearing and the transition to kindergarten has been pretty tough.
I have truly loved 1st and 2nd grade so far-my oldest still enjoys spending time with all his adults, his friends are so pleasant, the boys seem emotionally supportive of each other and his group all love reading. All his best friends were in my zoo group last week and it was fun to see their dynamic and I also really like their male teacher’s classroom management style. My kid has told at least 20 people I am taking him to see Hamilton for his 8th birthday and he’s also been telling everyone how excited he is for Kamala to be the first woman president so he’s making up for his brother’s screechiness lately. I know my 5 yo is having a hard time and he’s not trying to exhaust us, but it’s a challenging season.
18. The “launch” year.
I have 5 and 8 y/o boys and my wiser friends tell me that around 7 and 10 for them is going to be very fun.